Reflections Before Tisha B’Av – A Father's Love, Our Tears, and the Power to Rebuild

Dedicated l’ilui nishmat my dear husband, R’ Shloime ben R’ Yitzchak, z”l 2025

Dear friends,

I wanted to share some food for thought a little earlier this week, so we can take time to reflect as we approach Tisha B’Av. This message is sent in loving memory of my beloved husband, R’ Shloime ben R’ Yitzchak, z”l.

We’ve entered the month of Av, a month of both pain and promise. “Av” means father—and Hashem, our Av HaRachaman, is telling us that no matter how much darkness surrounds us, no matter the challenges or suffering, He remains our loving Father.

Chazal teach: "Mi shenichnas Av, mema'atim b'simcha." But that doesn’t mean we lose all joy. It means we carry pain with meaning. Even in times of destruction, Hashem’s love never leaves. Sometimes, it’s through hardship that He calls us back.

Think back to the days when missiles were falling here in Eretz Yisrael—how everyone opened a Tehillim with their whole hearts. That’s what Hashem desires: not our pain, but our closeness.

A Loving Father Hiding in the Pain

The Keruvim, the golden angels atop the Aron, are a deep symbol of Hashem’s love. During the times of the Beit HaMikdash, three times a year, the Aron was shown to Bnei Yisrael. The Keruvim—a young boy and girl—faced each other, expressing Hashem’s love for His people. When Bnei Yisrael were not behaving properly, they turned away.

And yet—at the time of the Churban, when the Beit HaMikdash was destroyed and the Kohanim entered the Kodesh HaKodashim, they saw the Keruvim embracing each other.

Hashem was showing us: Even now, in this moment of destruction, I love you deeply. I am with you.

As it says in Eicha and echoed by Yirmiyahu:"Chasdei Hashem ki lo tamnu..." — Hashem’s compassion never ends, even when all seems lost.

Tisha B’Av and Yom Kippur – More Alike Than We Think

Chazal compare Tisha B’Av and Yom Kippur—both are days when we don’t wear leather shoes, wash, or use oils. Why the similarity?

Because originally, Tisha B’Av was meant to be a day of closeness, like Yom Kippur. But due to the sin of the Meraglim—when we cried for no reason—Hashem said, “You cried a baseless cry; I will give you a reason to cry on this night.”

Yet we are promised: Tisha B’Av will one day be transformed into a day of joy.

Two Eggs, Two Plates of Cheese — One Loving Father

The Greek philosophers once sent Rabbi Yehoshua two eggs, along with a provocative question:

“Why are there two distinct 21-day periods in your calendar—one full of joy, from Rosh Hashanah to Hoshana Rabbah, and one full of sorrow, from the 17th of Tammuz to Tisha B’Av?”

The question was deeper than it seemed. An egg takes 21 days to hatch—a process of hidden development. These two periods are each 21 days long, but their emotional tones couldn't be more different. One leads to rejoicing; the other to mourning.

In response, Rabbi Yehoshua sent them two plates of white goat cheese.

His message? To the Jewish people, both are white.Both are pure, both are filled with purpose. One period refines us through simchah, joy. The other through aveilut, mourning. But both are born of the same Divine love. Both bring us back to our Father in Heaven.

The white goat cheese is no arbitrary reply. The goat hints to Yom Kippur, when two goats were brought—one to Hashem, and one sent away as a kaparah for the people. The white recalls the verse:"If your sins are like scarlet, they will become white as snow." (Yeshayahu 1:18)

Tisha B’Av and Yom Kippur are not opposites.They are twin paths to teshuvah.

But to fully internalize the message, we must look at what led to our mourning.

The destruction began not just with sin, but with silence.

When the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza unfolded—when the baseless hatred played out publicly—the Gedolim were there. They saw the insult. They heard the lashon hara. And they looked away. They didn’t intervene.They didn’t protest.

That silence destroyed a Beit HaMikdash.

If mourning brings us closer, it must move us to speak up—not just to cry, but to act. To use our voices to defend the humiliated, to bring peace between estranged brothers, to build, not break.

So yes, there are two periods. Two eggs. Two hatchings.One through tears of Tisha B’Av.One through the trembling awe of Rosh Hashanah.But both are meant to lead to the same rebirth:A nation purified, reunited, and returned to our Father.

The Blossoming Almond Tree – Hope in Destruction

In the first haftarah of the Three Weeks, Hashem asks Yirmiyahu, “Mah atah ro’eh?” What do you see?

Yirmiyahu answers: “I see a rod of an almond tree (shaked).”

Why an almond? Because it blossoms quickly—in 21 days. Hashem is showing us that even destruction brings the seeds of renewal. There is always hope. Even as tragedy unfolds, something is quietly beginning to blossom.

The Power of Longing

When Rabbi Akiva saw a fox emerge from the destroyed Kodesh HaKodashim, he laughed. His companions cried. But he said: If Hashem fulfilled the prophecy of destruction, surely He will also fulfill the prophecy of rebuilding.

We can choose to focus on despair—or on longing, hope, and emunah.

What Caused the Churban?

Hashem tells Yirmiyahu:"Al ozvam et Torati" – Because they abandoned My Torah.

Chazal explain: they learned Torah, but “lo berachah baTorah techilah”—they didn’t make the blessing with love. Torah was an obligation, not a privilege.

When we lose the sweetness of Torah, we become vulnerable to even the worst sins.

The Three Cardinal Sins—In Our Times

We may not bow to idols, but anger, addiction to pleasure, and humiliation of others are modern parallels.

• Avodah Zarah – trusting in our own power, anger, ego

• Giluy Arayot – seeking pleasure over purpose

• Shefichut Damim – shaming others publicly, or showing indifference to their pain

And of course, the greatest sin of all: Sinat Chinam, baseless hatred.

Kamtza and Bar Kamtza – The Pain of Looking Away

Yerushalayim was destroyed because people looked away when a man was humiliated.

The pig, symbol of Edom, represents hypocrisy—showing purity on the outside, but rotting on the inside. Sinat chinam comes from pretending to be fine, while harboring hate, envy, and judgment.

The Power of Tears

Megillat Eicha was written years before the destruction. Yirmiyahu wanted us to feel the pain before it came—so we could do teshuva.

Plato once asked Yirmiyahu: Why cry? You knew it was coming.

And Yirmiyahu answered: Because when something hurts, you cry. Crying isn’t logical—it comes from the soul.

From Despair to Teshuvah

Hashem doesn’t want us to cry out of despair, but out of hope:"Hashiveinu Hashem eilecha v’nashuvah."

Let our tears be tears of return, of longing, of yearning.

The very first time we see tears in Torah is when the lower waters cried, not wanting to be separated from Hashem. Hashem comforted them: “You will be used one day in the Beit HaMikdash for nesachim, for libations. You’ll come back to Me.”

A Story of Hope and Loss

Let me end with a true story:

In Bnei Brak, an elderly Holocaust survivor was seen constantly opening plastic bags—on the street, in stores, at weddings.

One day, at a wedding, he was seen entering the family’s gift room, opening bags. Alarmed and insulted, the family threw him out.

Later, his children asked, “Abba, what are you doing?”

He broke down and said, “Before the war, we had one baby after years of waiting. When the Nazis came, we had to flee with one bag. I told my wife, ‘Forget the jewels—we're taking the baby.’ But somehow the bags got switched. I opened the bag on the train—and it was the jewelry. Not our baby. I’ve never stopped looking since. Maybe, maybe I’ll find him.”

That’s the longing we need to feel for the Beit HaMikdash. That aching yearning that never gives up.

If we can long for Hashem and His Beit HaMikdash like that father longed for his child—we will be zocheh to see the Geulah, speedily in our days.

Let’s take small steps forward—toward each other, toward Torah, toward Hashem. And may we see the rebuilding of the Beit HaMikdash, bimheira b’yameinu.

Wishing you a meaningful Shabbat and an uplifting Tisha B’Av.

With love and tefillah from Yerushalayim,