Parashat Chayei Sarah: How can we feel blessed?

Good evening, everyone.

I'm sending this message in honor of my dear mother. May we all be blessed with long and healthy lives! My mother constantly inspires me with her inquisitive mind, her desire to learn, and her unwavering support. She's always the first to ask, "You haven't sent your message yet?" So, Mommy, this one's for you this week.

My chosen topic is: How can we feel blessed every day? This Parasha, Chayei Sarah, speaks of Sarah Imeinu, who lived her life to the fullest. As Rashi tells us, when she reached 127 years old, she possessed the maturity of an elderly woman, the beauty of a grown woman, and the innocence of a young child. Every single day of her life was incredibly well-used. We learn the same about Avraham Avinu, of whom it is said, "Avraham Avinu Ba Ba Yamim" – every day of his life was accounted for. Tzaddikim (righteous individuals) know how they spend their days, hours, and minutes; every moment is utilized in the best possible way.

When your time is well-used, you naturally feel appreciative and blessed, constantly thanking Hashem for what He gives you. The question is, how do we reach such a level of appreciation? How can we feel blessed every single day, grateful for all we have, and confident that we're using our days, weeks, months, and years in the best possible way?

The Midrash on Sarah's Life: Every Moment Counts

I'd like to start with a fascinating Midrash that we've discussed before. Sarah Imeinu lived 127 years. The Midrash tells us that when Rabbi Akiva was teaching his students and noticed some dozing off, he suddenly banged on the table and exclaimed, "Sarah Imeinu lived 127 years, and in that merit, Esther HaMalka became queen and reigned over 127 countries!"

What's the connection? Why would Rabbi Akiva say this to his students? Many explanations exist, but the most well-known is this: Rabbi Akiva saw his students losing focus during a Torah lesson. He wanted to awaken them, to show them the immense reward they could reap in this world by paying attention to the right things. He was saying, "Look at Sarah Imeinu! Every single year of her life was accounted for, used in the best possible way." Her reward? Esther HaMalka, one of her descendants, reigned over 127 countries – one country for each year of Sarah's life!

Think about the calculation:

• One year of Sarah's life earned a country for Esther.

• One month earned a town.

• One week earned a district.

• One day earned a street.

• One hour earned a whole building.

• One minute could get you an apartment!

Imagine an apartment today costing a million dollars in Jerusalem. Rabbi Akiva was essentially saying, "Just by learning Torah, by paying attention, you can gain an apartment!" He wasn't advocating learning for the sake of reward, but rather emphasizing the incredible gift of time they possessed and the potential within each minute. "Take advantage!" he urged. "Use every minute."

They say something interesting about the Chofetz Chaim: he never wore shoes with laces. He only wore slip-on boots or shoes. When asked why, as laced shoes would offer more support, he replied, "If I get dressed in the morning, tying my laces takes at least 10 seconds. Then, if I remove my shoes to rest in the afternoon, I lose another 10 seconds, and putting them back on, another 10 seconds in the evening. If I add up all the seconds I would lose just by lacing shoes, I figured it's better to use this time for praying and learning, appreciating the value of time and not wasting it on unneeded things."

Overcoming Challenges and Staying Steadfast

I also heard a second explanation for the students dozing off during Rabbi Akiva's lesson. Rabbi Akiva lived after the destruction of the Second Beit HaMikdash, during the terrible Roman decrees and the destruction of Beitar. These were times of great upheaval in Eretz Yisrael, and people were becoming quite depressed. When a person is depressed, they lose energy, they don't do anything, they just want to sleep because their life feels purposeless. They're so discouraged they simply want to lie in bed.

Rabbi Akiva saw that his students were becoming very discouraged by the historical events. The Midrash says, "Nimnemu"—they were dozing off, losing their energy, and their emunah was weakening. So he exclaimed, "Wake up! Strengthen yourselves! Look at Sarah Imeinu!"

Look at how many challenges she faced. At an old age, she left Haran with Avraham Avinu. They came to Eretz Yisrael, only to face a famine, forcing them down to Egypt. There, Sarah was taken prisoner and brought into Pharaoh's palace. She could have said, "Why me? Of all the people, why was I taken prisoner? Why is all this happening to me?" But we know that Hakadosh Baruch Hu sent an angel that night, telling her, "Tell me who tries to approach you, and I will strike them. Nobody's going to touch you in Pharaoh's palace."

Rabbi Akiva told his students: "Look, she faced many challenges, but she was steadfast in her emunah. She had faith in Hashem, never weakened. She went through so much, and she didn't have children until she finally had the merit of having Yitzchak. But look how many challenges she faced, and even so, she carried on with her life, using every single moment to serve Hashem." What was her reward? Esther HaMalka, one of her descendants, reigned over 127 countries.

Rabbi Akiva teaches us that there can be many challenges in life, and we often wonder, "Why is this happening to me?" He says, "Pick yourself up. Be strong. Learn from Sarah Imeinu; she's the best example of how one has to stay strong in times of challenges." If we realize these are challenges, but Hashem is just waiting to help us, we have to reach out to Hashem and ask Him. Hakadosh Baruch Hu will always, always help us.

Mastering Time and Self-Control

What else do we learn in this Parasha? The greatness of Sarah Imeinu is that she made the best of each part of her life. There is youth, full of energy and enterprise; then we move on to other responsibilities and demands; and then we feel we have less energy as we age. But our purpose in life is to make the best of each stage, to feel that we have something special to accomplish in this world. As long as we are trying to move forward and do something positive, that is what Hashem expects of us.

A third point I was thinking about: how can we feel blessed when we do things rapidly, when we don't procrastinate or push things off? We learned last week with Avraham Avinu: when he wanted to host guests, "he ran to the cattle." He was old, sick, and in pain, but he felt no pain. He runs; he wants to do everything with alacrity. And what was so special about Rivka? What did Eliezer see in her when she offered him water? She didn't do it at a leisurely pace; she ran, "va'timaher," she was running. She was doing it with feeling, with energy. She really wanted to do it. When you have this middah (character trait) of swift action, it brings life into you. You'll feel blessed because you'll enjoy doing what you do.

And the last point I'd like to mention from this Parasha: How can we feel blessed when we feel we can control ourselves? When we don't just give in to emotions, or to anger, or to impatience, but we feel we are in control and we do what Hakadosh Baruch Hu expects of us. This is one of the greatest things our Sages teach. Why is the story of Eliezer mentioned a few times in this Parasha, over and over again? The Midrash says there are so many mitzvot in the Torah, so many laws that are only alluded to and not even mentioned with a verse. And yet, the story of Eliezer has to be mentioned so many times.

As you all know, Rashi answers: "Yafah sichat avdei avot mi'toratan shel banim" – you can learn more from the simple talk of our forefathers' servants than from the teachings of their children. This means when you look at Eliezer's behavior and realize the depth of his greatness, it will give you much more understanding about what Torah is all about. What is the purpose of mitzvot? To transform us into true servants of Hashem. Hashem doesn't want to burden us with mitzvot. Hashem doesn't want us to feel that each mitzvah, that whatever we do – saying a bracha or preparing for Shabbat – is a burden. No, we have to feel this is a privilege that Hashem is giving us. Hashem gives us the opportunity to become better people.

What does the Midrash tell us about Eliezer? As you all know, Eliezer had a daughter, and the most natural thing for him would have been to see his own daughter marry Yitzchak. He ran Avraham Avinu's entire household; he was the closest student. So, his greatest desire would have been for his daughter to marry Yitzchak. He tried to tell Avraham, "You're sending me so far away. What if the girl won't want to come back? Why don't you take a local girl?" Avraham Avinu said, "I know the people of Canaan. I live amongst them. I see their characters, their personalities. I'm not looking for the brightest girl, but I want a girl who has sterling middot (character traits), a sterling character. That's all I'm interested in." The people of Canaan came from Ham, who was cursed by his father Noah because of his corrupt behavior. Avraham said, "I'm not interested in such a family for my son." Eliezer was a descendant of Ham, and Avraham gently tried to tell him that his family lineage was not suitable for Yitzchak, from whom the Jewish nation would come, because Ham was cursed. As Rashi says, you can't connect a cursed family to a blessed family.

Eliezer could have been hurt. He could have said, "It's not fair. Why not my daughter? Why must I travel to Haran?" But we see he goes off to Haran, and he overcomes all his subjective motives. He could have thought, "I'll try and say I can't find a girl, then Avraham Avinu won't have a choice, so he'll take my daughter." But what does he do? Avraham says, "I want you to go to my place of birth. I'm interested in getting someone from over there, because family-wise, I know the people there were better than the people of Canaan."

He comes to Haran, and he prays and begs Hashem. He says, "Hashem, I implore You, please send me the right person for Yitzchak." Our Sages say he prayed with his whole heart. He truly meant it. He didn't for a single moment think, "I have a daughter. Why not her? It's not fair. Life is not treating me fairly." And right after, he finds Rivka, who is exceptional and performs acts of chesed (kindness) that we can hardly grasp. Even a little girl of three comes and says, "I'm going to bring water for your camels." When a person has true inner conviction, you don't think, you just do, and you do it quickly, in the fastest way possible. That's what Eliezer saw in Rivka.

What does Lavan say when he sees Eliezer? He says, "Bo Baruch Hashem" (Come, blessed of Hashem). The question is, why would Lavan, a hypocrite and idol worshipper, call Eliezer "blessed of Hashem"? The Torah tells us these words came out of his mouth because Hashem made them, but it was just a way of greeting Eliezer. However, the Torah wants to tell us that when Eliezer overcame this challenge of totally subordinating himself to Avraham, not thinking about his daughter, not thinking about his own personal benefit, and doing everything just for the sake of finding the right girl for Yitzchak—just as Avraham Avinu asked of him—at that moment, he rose to a totally different level. He became a different person. He took away the curse of Ham because he was a person totally in control of himself. We call this shvirat hamidot—overcoming natural instincts and tendencies, doing what is right, what Hashem expects of us. The whole purpose of Torah is shvirat hamidot—to help us overcome our inclinations. That's what Rashi is telling us: if you want to understand what Torah is about, just look at Eliezer's behavior. What does a father want? To marry off his daughter. It's the deepest desire. But Eliezer looks away from his own subjective interest. He only looks at what is good for Avraham Avinu. He is a true "servant of Avraham," and he is also a true "servant of Hashem."

Feeling Blessed: A Story of Divine Providence

So, how can we feel blessed every day?

• By appreciating the time Hashem gives you.

• By staying steadfast in your faith.

• By acting swiftly when you want to do something positive. Don't put it off; "va'timaher" (she hurried).

• And mainly, by striving to be in control, not giving in to negative impulses.

That's what Eliezer teaches us: even in the most difficult situations, we can always, always be in control. It's just a question of choice.

I'll end with a very nice story I heard this week about a young man in Israel. He was married a few years, working, and didn't have much money, but he loved to do chesed. People needing tzedakah (charity) always came to him because they knew he had a very big heart and would always give, even if he didn't have a lot.

One day, two askanm (community activists) came to him and said, "Listen, there's a young orphan girl getting married. Her father passed away, and she's marrying a young man who doesn't have a penny to his name. They both have absolutely nothing. They've already set a date, and we're trying to raise money for this young couple—to pay for the wedding and help them set up their lives."

He listened, thinking, and trying to calculate how much money they would need. He was there talking and thinking, "How am I going to manage?" He had some money, but not that much. He thought and thought, but he had a very big heart and was very touched by the story. He said, "The most important thing in life is to help a young couple set up their home and build their future." He took out his checkbook and gave them a very large sum of money, way more than they had expected. He told them, "I want to cover the costs of the entire wedding. I want to pay for everything. I want to pay also for whatever this bride needs, and I want to help set them up in a little apartment or something."

They asked, "Are you sure you'll be able to pay?" He said, "Don't worry, I'll manage." He took out loans and perhaps sold some stocks, but he managed to give them all the money. He eventually went to the wedding; he didn't know the groom, and nobody knew who he was, but he was so, so happy to rejoice in this wedding.

Fast forward seven years. This young man hadn't been feeling well and had very strong pains. He went to the doctor, who told him, "You are seriously ill. You need an urgent, life-saving operation, which can only be done in America." They consulted with Rabbi Fyfer, who said, "You have to leave immediately."

This young man didn't speak English, had no connections in America, and was extremely nervous. He didn't know what to do. Rabbi Fyfer said, "Don't worry, we're going to find someone, an English-speaking person, who will go with you, who will take you. Your wife will stay home with the little children. We will find you someone who will travel with you and bring you back." Two or three days later, he was supposed to leave. They told him, "Don't worry, a young man will be waiting for you at the airport; you'll meet him there."

He arrived at the airport, extremely nervous. He was scared, going to a foreign country, not knowing the language or the culture, unsure what awaited him. He was apprehensive and nervous. When he arrived, the shaliach (emissary) of Rabbi Fyfer was there with a young man. The minute he saw this young man, it struck a chord in him, and he tried to remember, "Where do I know this face from?" Suddenly, it hit him: he was seeing the very man whose wedding he had covered all the expenses for seven years prior.

He looked at him and asked, "Tell me, how many years have you been married?" The other man found it strange—here was someone flying to America, very seriously ill. He replied, "Seven years." The first man then asked, "Did you get married in such-and-such a hall?" "Yes," he replied. "I was at your wedding," he said, not revealing anything more. But suddenly, seeing this, he felt Hashem was sending him a message. Hashem was telling him, "You helped someone in a time of need from Heaven. I'm going to help you too." When he realized this was the young man who was going to take him to America, he suddenly felt such emunah, such strength. He said, "I'm sure Hakadosh Baruch Hu is going to take care of me, and everything will be fine." Of course, the story had a happy ending. He came back; the operation was a success, and he was healed.

May we all have a wonderful Shabbos. And remember when you read this Parasha, it states that when we speak about the shidduch (matchmaking) of Yitzchak and Rivka, every shidduch is from Heaven. So, may all those who need a shidduch continue to pray, and may everyone find their soulmate, so we can always share simchas (joyous occasions) together.

Have a wonderful, wonderful Shabbos!